First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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