Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
