I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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