I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
