I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize