I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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