I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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