I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's blow job season.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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