I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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