Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
