I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
