I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
