Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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