R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
