i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
