Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
