Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
