My cat gives me a boner
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
