Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
