she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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