Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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