Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
