it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize