Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
