brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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