its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize