i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
