Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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