What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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