You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
