Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
soo... how was my night?
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