God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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