i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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