She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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