If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
