I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
