no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize