forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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