Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
