worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
