Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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