is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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