rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
