I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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