Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
