Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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