SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
