As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bring me that man meat
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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