I hate all girls vehemently.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
