If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize