I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
