i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
