...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize