remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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