i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize