We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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