All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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