I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
