i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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