Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So. Much. Porn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
