M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
