6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
