i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
