the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
