the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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