My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
