you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
