I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
