There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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