Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
