woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
