how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
