Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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