Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
