His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
