It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
