they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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