Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
