Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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