ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
