Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
