Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
