I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
