i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
