It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
