it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had to cum in my sink.
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