I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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