Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
